


The Suck-Ass Tales of Uzumaki Raui and Uchiha Shisui

by karmalakabane



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, Danzo needs to fucking die, Disaster Gay Hatake Kakashi, Everyone is LGBT, F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Hatake Kakashi Being an Asshole, Hatake kakashi is so very gay, Konoha Village, M/M, No Uchiha Massacre, OC wants help, POV Original Female Character, Trans Female Character, Uchiha Sasuke Has Issues, Uchiha Shisui Lives, cant kill my son, disaster pansexual, fuck danzo, fuck root, is this enough tags, kinda??, main character is pan, past trans female character, possible OC/Shisui uchiha, shisui is a bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:46:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmalakabane/pseuds/karmalakabane
Summary: I get murdered over a Slim Jim by a weeaboo, end up in Konoha and fuck up DanzoOr: the wild adventures of me saving everybody(first few chapters are short bc I don't really know where this will go (also Im lazy))





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first multi-chapter piece im doing on AO3 so it probs sucks.

 

I died at the ripe age of 16. Not really a kid, but far off from being an adult, still in the prime of puberty and having dreams of our really hot librarian. Saying death didn’t scare me would be a lie. It’s a primitive thing, the selfishness of wanting to hang on to our one sad, small, and insignificant life. I _was_ scared in those final moments, heart wrenching through my ribs and eyes wide with shock.

Pain doesn’t really register, body to panicked to focus on the crimson pouring from my left chest. Of fucking course it was a sword, a fucking weeaboo carrying a goddamn samurai sword dressed in a shitty costume stabs me in the heart because I bought the last Slim Jim.

My life wasn't horrible in any way, raised by a single workaholic mom and staring at fading pictures of a man in a yukata who I used to call dad. It wasn’t the best life for sure. Everything I had and did for the entirety of 16 years was average. My grades, my home, my placement with friends.

Dying was a wakeup call, really, the last minutes filled with regret and borderline self-loathing at my boring existence. I didn’t have any happy memories to flash back to, no family cross country trip or a group of friends with plans of dorm rooms. My sweet-sixteen was celebrated in a failing pizzeria alone because my mother forgot my birthday six years before.

I was alone in that world. I didn’t know anything else but the silence and the occasional ding of a rusty bell. Saving everyone was an almost impossible goal, I wasn’t a genius like most of the main characters, and my heritage put me in a valuable position with other villages.

_I wasn’t used to being a hero._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least she was female this time.

It took three years for the memories of her first life to come to her completely. Her infant brain didn’t have the capacity to hold the years ahead her conscience was.

It also took three years to realize she was in the world to Naruto and the she was absolutely fucked, because dammit she didn’t want to be a part of some shitty plot for fanfiction.

Also, what the fuck was up with the plot, _Naruto_ was notorious for all the holes in plot and the lack of strong female characters. Or, just female characters in general.

She was no way in hell going to be like twelve-year-old Sakura.

One plus, she thought, was her last name. Her clan was nearly forgotten, very few remembered the name. (First plot hole: how the fuck did an entire village and generation forget the _main reason their village existed_ , not to mention they _wore_ the _clan crest on everything_.)

(It was at that moment three year old Uzumaki Raui swore she was going to be a pubic menace and show the ninja world exactly what happens when you forget the terror called Uzumaki.)

Raui swore that if she was older than her younger cousin, she was going to pass down her anger at the world and very colorful vocabulary down to him.

At least she was female this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short again forgive me


	3. When and Where

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She gets sweets with a guilt-survivor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not as short??? but close

She met him when she was four, a year after the kyuubi attack and the moment she knew where the fuck she was.

Of course, her punching a three year old Uchiha brat who pulled her hair wasn’t the best impression she could have made to the first main character she met, but Hatake Kakashi was a man (still a boy at 15) with survivors guilt and a healthy fear of women with red hair.

(If people dove out of her way when they spotted her very-Kushina like coloring Raui couldn’t say she was disappointed).

Granted, if she knew punching a clan kid would end up with her sitting across from ANBU Hound in a very sketchy looking dango shop, she would’ve walked away.

(Watching the Copy-Cat Ninja flail as he tried to explain why violence wasn’t the appropriate action was nothing but comical).

“’m sorry Hound-chan,” Raui blinked, looking up with wide, watery eyes. The shop owner was watching them from the corner, still cleaning the same table from when they sat down.

Rumors about her cousin, Naruto, had made civilians just as wary of her. It was a subtle enough ripple in the treatment of her that, if she really was mentally four, Raui wouldn’t notice.

(But she spent four years watching people start treating her differently, ghost of a whisper in hallways, side-eyed from staff, younger kids pointing in her direction. She spent years watching as cashier’s eyes flickered when she spoke).

 _But Raui noticed_ , _and_ _she raged internally_. Ignorance and gossip, twisting a false sentence _a traitor_ fabricated into paragraphs of hate. She loathed the idea of the little hero, child of the prophecy, growing alone in a cold orphanage without the guidance of his clan.

She couldn’t help but blame the man- _boy_ , she told herself, a boy not much older than she was the first time she died- even though she _knew_ staying away from Naruto wasn’t his choice.

(He was much too young to take care of him).

“Try not to do it again,”

Her eyes snapped back up, he wasn’t looking at her. Hadn’t the entire time. Any uncovered skin he had was turned away from her, odd, she thought, for a jounin. She already expected the reason she was her- who she looked like- but this was ridicules. Random people breaking down at the sight of her (unsatisfyingly not always fear) was tiring.

A shaky smile and a borderline dry “okay” later had Raui on her way with a stick of dango in each annoyingly grubby hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls I have no beta so don't hate me for fucking up my only language


	4. No Matter How Normal, Raui Still Hates Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raui relearns about punishments

“Uzumaki Raui,”

Alright, so hitting clan kids with a _maybe too practiced_ uppercut wasn’t an extremely good idea in a fucked-up dimension where kids her (physical) age killed for a living. It was apparently a very, very bad idea for little girls with what might have minor anxiety and slight anger issues. (Anger issues that didn't exist with her Before, and therefore having no idea how to handle them).`

“Here.” Very unwillingly here, she thought.

(How was she supposed to know that they’d shove her in the academy? One where everyone was _eight_ , and she was barely _fucking four!_ What the hell was wrong with these people? What was wrong with her _dad_ , a man Raui had thought was _very sensible_ and _understood the idea of free will and choice_ ).

The chunin sensei didn’t so much as glance up as he marked her name, just continued to call out names of kids that would probably _be dead in a decade_. It pissed her off. She didn’t want to murder for money, she wanted to be a menace, _in her village_. A menace that owned a fucking bakery or some soft shit.

But mostly, the idea of watched these kids die, die too young for anything, anywhere, for a village whose idea of mourning is not to.

But alas, here she was, _is_. In a class room full of overly enthusiastic children learning about _death_ and _murde_ r and how _both_ are guarantees in this profession.

“Welcome,” the man looked up for the first time. Normal looking, almost disappointingly so.

Raui still hated him.

The room wasn’t different to a western auditorium, rows on different elevations to see, a stage like area at the front. The horrifying amount of weapon diagrams was more than unsettling.

Fuck, maybe she’ll take her baby cousin and defect.

(She would have to meet him first, bastard Hokage).


	5. NOT A CHAPTER

IM SORRY  
I haven’t updated since August, but I’m not gonna abandon this lmao. I got into a car accident and was hella out for weeks, my dog died, and just fucking high school.   
I just realized how long it’s been (I’m in the fucking shower listening to “Visions”).

Once again I’m sorry and I’m about half way done with chapter five ;).

 

*insert shitty emoji I hate*


	6. Also not a character

Bc life _fucking_ sucks. 

I was hoping to have a chapter out soon. But. Life. Is. A. Bitch.

my grandfather was admitted to the ER yesterday (he will probably be fine) so the tension is a little high in life.

life sucks and I want chocolate 

**Author's Note:**

> Swear they're not all going to be this short


End file.
